Anonymous

This amazing girl has asked to keep her story anonymous as she is on her journey to tell the world in her own time at her own pace and when she feels ready. For her to share this story with me and with us is an amazing step. 

 

My story - Through The Eyes

Having a mental Illness is tough to discuss, tough to understand and tough to admit to dealing with. It's difficult to explain what's going on in your own head to someone else, especially when you don't even know what's going on yourself.

If you were to ask my friends and family they would tell you I'm a non stop chatting, bubbly, giddy teenager who loves going on adventures and getting up to mischief but that wasn't who I was anymore.

One day, my life changed. I realised I needed help. I had to tell someone what was happening.

In July 2014, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Depression is the worst thing I have ever been through. It took away all the good things from my life. I was unhappy, confused, lonely and miserable. I was unmotivated and unable to concentrate. I had trouble sleeping and had little or no appetite. I had lost all interest in hanging out with my friends and didn't enjoy the things that I loved. Nothing was fun anymore. But what could I do? I wasn't able to put into words how I was feeling so I said nothing at all.

In June 2014, it had all gotten too much for me. I was confused and wasn't sure what to do. I associated how I was feeling with a headache. When you get a headache, you take a tablet so I decided to take some tablets to see if the pain would go away. It didn't. It was still there. I didn't want to kill myself and I didn't think taking the tablets were dangerous so I took them a few times.

In July, my mom was out and I was home alone. I decided to take the tablets again to see if they would work and like all the times before, they didn't. I was scared. I didn't know what was happening to me. When my mom came home, I told her everything. It was extremely difficult but I felt a huge sense of relief opening up and talking to my mom.

After talking to my parents and telling them the truth I started to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. The psychiatrist explained to me that I had clinical depression. Depression can be described in many ways but its main description is that it is a serious mental disorder in which a person suffers long periods of sadness, loneliness and other negative feelings.

The hardest thing for me to do was accept it.

Going through difficult times in our lives only makes us stronger. Sometimes it's hard to realise that at our lowest points but in my experience, it has all come out positive. There is pain and suffering everywhere in the world but without the pain and suffering in our lives we wouldn't know about happiness, love, compassion and adventure.

Although it was a terribly unpleasant time in my life, I came out of depression a better person, determined not to go back and that is what has changed me as a person. I still have bad days but nobody "has it easy", everyone who lives a life has hard times and it might be stormy now but it doesn't rain forever.

Doug Leddin